Being a diabetic vampire means I have to check the blood sugar of my victims.

I meant to write a ton of pieces for Halloween, but making the “Genetic Decree” song/video took much longer than expected. So instead, enjoy this handy guide to all the Halloween crap I’ve made over the years.

In the aforementioned “Genetic Decree” video, I dress up as Dracula for a short period, so it counts as Halloween related.

Less tangentially, here’s a guitar/bass/drums medley of all the cues from John Carpenter’s Halloween.

If you can’t get enough sweet music, perhaps you’d enjoy these zombie songs my buddy Andy and I wrote. Honestly, I really fucked up by not editing some Walking Dead footage together and laying these songs over it. They are meant to be listened to as one 10 minute piece, but if you’re short for time, the last song “The Sweet Sanctuary of Mortality” is the best one.

If my blood sugar were the popular Price is Right pricing game Cliffhangers and Halloween Crunch were the bid, the climber would take a stunning nose dive off of the edge of the cliff. Granted, I’d probably be okay if I could just eat a regular sized bowl of it, but at that point I’m burning more calories eating than I would gain, so what’s the point? Anyway, here’s my love letter to Halloween Crunch

Here are some helpful Halloween hints to keep your holiday super safe.

As evidenced by my recent “I’m Eighteen” retrospective, I have a lot to say about Alice Cooper. Here’s a piece about Welcome to my Nightmare.

Here are two companion pieces I wrote because I thought it was super clever to contrast the silence of Frankenstein with the music of Halloween.

Or maybe you’d prefer non-fan fiction about the Dangertainment company from Halloween Resurrection.

Finally, here’s a piece about Jason Voorhees stabbing me in the asshole.

And if you’re coming to my house to treat or treat, I’m not giving you shit unless you can sing me a chorus of “Dream Warriors.”