The More Things Change…

At the end of my book, I transcribed the food diary I wrote when I was first diagnosed with diabetes. I find things like that fascinating, because you can’t run from a journal. It’s “of the moment”, with very little distance or reflection to get in the way. I may try to tell you that I was great at changing my diet, but the food diary tells a different story.

When my Mom told me she had dug up a couple of school journals from 3rd grade, I was excited to look back and see what’s changed. The answer, unfortunately, was not much. Here are some of my favorite entries, reproduced exactly as they appear in the journal. I’ve also included the teacher’s responses (also reproduced as written) and—where appropriate—commentary from 30 year old me. Continue reading

My Book is Out Now!

I swear that was broken when I got there.

I swear that was broken when I got there.

My book is now available on Amazon in both print and Kindle formats, with an audiobook version hitting sometime later this month. Like this blog, it’s called Can’t Eat, Can’t Breathe and Other Ways Cystic Fibrosis Has F#$%*d Me. It’s about how Cystic Fibrosis has fucked me. Continue reading

Video: Lord of the Jingle #2

I didn’t get any corporate interest from the last set of jingles, but I won’t let that stop me from trying again. If you like any of these (or any of the previous jingles), it’d be a great help if you could tweet/Facebook them at the companies in question. I know I will!

Here’s a song about Denny’s:

 

Here’s one about Smucker’s:

 

And here’s one about No Yolk Egg Noodles:

 

Step Right Up and See the Amazing Mucus Filled Boy!

Fair warning: there is a picture at the end of this post that is pretty disgusting. I have placed some distance between the text and the picture so you may avoid it at your own discretion.

Though the freak show is only a shadow of its former glory, we still have an entire industry dedicated to exploiting oddities for entertainment. Okay, “exploiting” is probably a strong word, because I believe these people know what they’ve signed up for and have, in some way or another, been compensated for their trouble. See: your hoarders, the strange addicts and the obsessed. Continue reading

Video: The Pros and Cons of the Dollar Tree Steak

I am not one of those people that has money, so I’m always looking for a bargain. I’m also looking to shove as many calories in my face as possible. These two factors lead me on a journey to the local dollar tree, where I happened upon their frozen rib eye steak. Being an open minded individual, I couldn’t wait to give it a shot. Did I stumble on a delicious hidden secret?

Spoiler alert: no, I didn’t.

Video: Lord of the Jingle

When embarking on any creative endeavor, everyone hopes their work will stand the test of time. You want to feel that years from onset of whatever you created, people will celebrate it, remember it and talk about it with their friends.

For something to stand the test of time like that is rare, particularly now that anyone can smash together a bunch of ones and zeroes and take a stab at relevance. How many of you reading this had a MySpace music page? I know I did. I also know that I never managed to turn that into any long term cultural relevance. Continue reading

Video: The Cystic Fibrosis Diet: A Mouthful of Food and a Handful of Pills

This is a video about how CF affects my digestive system, but I’m not going to bullshit you: I wouldn’t be displeased if this video somehow spun off into a sponsorship deal with Denny’s and/or KFC.

How Hometown Buffet Compares to Having a Disease

This is exactly how I remember eating at Hometown Buffet.

This is exactly how I remember eating at Hometown Buffet.

When the New York Times asked mountaineer Gregory Mallory why he wanted to climb Mount Everest, he famously replied “Because it’s there.” If they were to ask me why I used to eat at Hometown Buffet so often, my reply would be similar.

Continue reading