It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here. Not because I haven’t wanted to (I’ve got a lot of ideas kicking around) and not because I forgot my login credentials (even if I totally did for a while) but because I’ve been chasing a White Whale of a project since sometime last January. I’m not quite finished with it yet, so I don’t want to talk too much about it (there’s still a 50 percent chance that it will be complete shit), but since I’ve got that whale in my sights, I’ve managed to carve out a little time each day to write a Helpful Holiday Hint on my Facebook page and the Helpful Holiday Twitter page. Brad Sheridan of Why Do I Rock? has even drawn comics for a few of them. Here are a few of this year’s classics:

No snow for a Christmas morning snowball fight? Try using chilled baseballs.

If your siblings wanted to get presents too, they wouldn’t have had kids.

They can’t prove you bought it at the dollar store.

Throw everyone’s name into a Santa hat and have the oldest child pick one out. That person gets to run Grandma over with a reindeer.

Panhandling is acceptable as long as you’re ringing a bell.

You can save a lot of money by telling your child they’re on the naughty list.

To teach children how other cultures celebrate Christmas, have them build some sweet Air Jordans and mail them to the kids down the street.

Bring some holiday pizzazz to your baked goods by adding two tablespoons of glitter.

Wow, what a lineup! I’ve still got three more days of this left, so friend me on Facebook or follow @HelpfulHoliday on Twitter (or just follow me at @allhallowsevil and we can ignore the holidays together).