Still the greatest vacation I’ve ever taken.
Hi, my name is Jay and I have Cystic Fibrosis. A lot of you are reading this because you saw my article on Cracked.com today, so I thought it might be nice to weed through some of the bullshit here and put my best foot forward.
If you’re interested in hearing more about CF, you may want to check out this video I made:
If you don’t give two shits about CF, perhaps I can interest you in this video of me eating a steak from the dollar store:
Don’t have time for that? Here’s a 14 second jingle about Arby’s:
If you don’t feel like watching videos, you can always read about the time a large man at Hometown Buffet threatened to stab me with a sword:
https://canteatcantbreathe.com/2013/08/07/how-hometown-buffet-compares-to-having-a-disease/
Or, if you find yourself wondering if I was an asshole when I was in 3rd grade, you can find your answer in this old journals I dug up:
https://canteatcantbreathe.com/2013/10/04/the-more-things-change/
https://canteatcantbreathe.com/2013/10/11/the-more-things-change-part-ii/
Of course, I would really appreciate it if you bought my book, but if you’re not feeling it, there’s plenty of free stuff for you to enjoy here.
I don’t typically comment on blogs, but I wanted give a thank you for the public, well Cracked public at least, shout out about CF. My wife passed away from CF at the “old” age of 29, seven years ago. While I have not directly experienced the things you described, I have witnessed them first hand. Life with CF does suck, but continuing on is worth it.
Hey Jay, I read your article on Cracked today, I wanted to get in contact with you because of the events that have unfolded in the past few days of my life. One of my good friends was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis very recently while being treated for a completely different problem at the hospital. The doctor gave her roughly a year to live, but obviously that’s not set in stone. I hadn’t heard of CF until she was diagnosed and I was surprised to find such an article on the front page of cracked today. I just wanted some assurance from a first hand account. If she has no parental support is there anything medication/treatment wise that can help her, or she can do that won’t potentially ruin her financial future, if she has one? and as her friend what can I do to help? This girl has been kicked around her entire life, and the reason she found out about her CF is because her dad broke her ribs and they caught it at the hospital. All I want is to understand CF better, what it’s like, if there’s anything I can do for my friend, or any advice I can give her from a lifelong sufferer. I appreciate you taking time to read this, thanks.
Yes, I was directed here from Cracked, and I think this is the first time I’ve been moved to tears by an article on there. (I’m on my phone, so I can’t leave a comment there.)
My husband was born with an extremely rare kidney disease called Gitelman’s Syndrome, and while it’s not necessarily terminal, there is still a reasonable chance that it may be what ends his life. He’s 33 and has been hospitalized, in ICU for low potassium, magnesium, and sodium levels several times in the past decade. He’s been in cardiac arrest thrice when the ambulances came for him. Like yourself, he has to take a concoction of medication several times a day, and has inconveniencing and sometimes hilarious gastrointestinal side effects.
It’s a daily struggle for him just to be alive sometimes, but he deals with it with humor and grace. Thank you for writing this.
I appreciate you taking the time to read the article and visit the site. I know things must not be easy for you, but I certainly hope you’re finding your way through.
No bullshit–it’s a lot of work, but there are some great treatments available now and there’s some great stuff in the pipeline. Not everything works for everyone, so she’s going to have to learn very quickly to treat her body kind of like a science experiment and she should find a CF specialist that she trusts. Money is always an issue, of course, as is time. But I suggest checking out CFF.org for more information/resources.
Thank you for reading it! It’s fascinating what you learn to laugh at. My fiancée and I were just laughing about how I almost passed out in a pile of pepperjack cheese at the store the other day. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I hope everything goes smoothly for you and your husband.
I was directed here by Cracked.com. My brother actually sent me the link to your article. My 6 year old was diagnosed with CF at 2 weeks old. We have always just felt we were going through the motions and this was life. But reading your article, honestly made me laugh. It was a hilarious take on many of the same things that we have and will go through.
Thanks for sharing!!!
Thank you for reading! It’s strange how normal this stuff becomes after a while. Sometimes I still look at people and think “holy shit, did they take their pills to eat that?!?”. Luckily, I’m usually able to stop the thought before it flies out of my mouth. I hope you and your child are doing well!
Hi Jay, I read your piece on Cracked today and I had to write and thank you for it. I’m a 31 year old woman with CF, and I’ve never known anyone else in my life who’s had it. It was so refreshing to read your article because I’m exactly the same way – I make fart jokes all the time, my friends and I all find a treasure trove of inappropriate humor at the expense of my illness, and outside of my circle of friends and family, nobody seems to get what’s so funny. Thanks so much for writing that piece, for having a sense of humor about CF, and for making me feel less alone for chuckling at my terrible digestion and surplus mucus 🙂
Hey Jay! I LOVED your article on Cracked. I have an incurable bone cancer in my chest and I have systemic lupus, so I can relate to a lot of the stuff you said in the article. I get pleuritis in my lungs and it’s hella painful. Does having all of that congestion in your lungs make it hurt when you try to breathe? The lupus gives me lots of problems with my GI-tract, so I have to be careful about the sharts issue, too. When I’m having a flare up I get something called “dumping syndrome” that makes my food go straight through me. I am always trying to gain weight, but it’s mostly in vain, because my food rarely stays in me long enough for my body to make use of the nutrients. Right now I’m 115 lbs. and praying that I don’t get sick any time soon, because it’s common for me to drop 10-20 lbs. during a serious flare-up. I’m probably going to die from either the lupus or the cancer, but so far I’m still here making the most of the life that I have. Graveyard humor helps a lot. I’m glad that you’re hanging in there, brother. I’m going to try to check out your blog regularly, now that I know about it. Thanks for sharing your story on Cracked. I have a blog of my own where I write about disability issues and you’re free to check it out if you ever want to. Take care of ya’ self!
I’m glad you enjoyed it! I was tossing and turning a little last night thinking about how people with CF were going to feel about the article, so every time someone says they enjoyed it, it’s like a huge wave of relief.
Thanks for reading! Sounds like you’ve dealt with some terrible things. As far as breathing goes, while I’ve had chest pains from time to time, I most often get the feeling that my lungs have shrunk three sizes and been stuffed with poorly prepared Jell-O. It also makes me really mean, because once the oxygen stops showing up, the first part of my brain to give up is the one that gives a shit about what’s coming out of my mouth (at least, that’s the excuse I use). I’ll definitely check out your blog!
Hi Jay! After I read your Cracked article, I wanted to give you a hug. I couldn’t do that, so I bought your book instead. I look forward to reading it!
Thanks for being so frank and informative about CF. I developed epilepsy as an adult- not nearly as much of a pain in the ass, but it can wipe me out some days. I’ve also scared the shit out of family and coworkers by having seizures in front of them. It can take a while to find a drug that doesn’t make you a raging psychopath, vaporize tender organs, and/or give you *more* seizures.
I’ve got it under control as much as possible for the moment, and I try to have an outlook like yours- realistic and humorous. Best wishes to you!
Hi! Thanks for reading the article! Buying someone’s book is essentially the post-millennial version of a hug–and I assure you that I really appreciate it.
Epilepsy certainly sounds like a pain in the ass–especially the grab bag of side effects. And being diagnosed as an adult had to suck. At least I’ve had 30 years to get used to CF. I hope everything stays under control!
Hey Jay! Like everyone else, I got here through cracked.com. I wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I enjoyed the article, especially your sense of humor about everything. I don’t have CF, but I have a plethora of other medical issues that leave me unable to leave the house very often. So far this year I’ve spent more days in the hospital than out, and if I didn’t have my sense of humor I think I’d probably be insane by now. The good news is in the last year I’ve lost 70 pounds from all the medications I’m on, and trust me, I do NOT have your weight problem. 😀 I really appreciated what you wrote, and I’m looking forward to reading your blog!
Hallo Jay !
Yep, like the others i´ve found this page & your story through cracked. You are a very inspiring person at all, you have perfect sense of humor & the way how you look at the world around you. Keep it that way ! I hope you gonna fuck with that bitch (CF) somehow, looking forward to reading your blog, then you have to stay alive ! 🙂 Best luck mate, to you & your fiance 🙂
Thanks for stopping by! I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to spend so much time in the hospital, but I certainly hope they help you find the 70 pounds you lost. You could have destroyed on The Biggest Loser! Seriously though, I hope everything is going well. Thanks for reading!
Thanks for reading! I’m pretty sure I’ve stored enough gas in my body that it will continue to function for at least a year after I die, so I’ve got a lot of writing ahead of me.
Nice to hear that ! 😀 keep up man, greetings from Slovakia ! 🙂 (sorry for my english)
Thank you! There’s a pile of denial that comes with being healthy all your life and then BAM! chronic illness. It took me years to get over, but I’m doing a lot better now!
Frankenstein and The Bride of Frankenstein rule! 🙂 You should check out Gods and Monsters if you haven’t seen it- it’s about the director of those movies, loosely based on real events.
Anytime something happens to divide your life between “before” and “after” it’s tough to handle, but I’m glad you’re doing it!
Hell yeah, I’ve seen Gods and Monsters! My obsession with the Universal Monster films borders on unhealthy, so if there’s something that’s even tangentially related to them, there’s a better than average chance I’ve seen/read it.
After two minutes into reading the article from Cracked I bought your book and loved it! Thank you for the most refreshing and candid narrative on disability. And thank you for not filling up your book with inspirational crap and “if you do this you will be magically cured”.
I was diagnosed with diabetes in 2007 (I blame my ancestors for this and the genetic lottery). Seriously, I was starting to think I was the only person on this planet who was unapologetically comfortable being sick everyday for the rest of my life. I have had too many run ins with individuals with diabetes who like to whine about how hard it is to live a normal life. My response is: what’s normal?! I define normal for me everyday and some days suck less than others.
To quote my 12 year old, “Don’t stop being awesome.”
Hi Linda!
I’m glad you liked the book!
I used to work in an office with a high concentration of people with diabetes and I was constantly amused by how much they would complain about their health while eating an entire cake or something. Then they’d try to get me to join them, like that makes it okay (“one of us” and all that).
I’m glad your doing your best to take care of yourself and I wish you as few sucky days as possible.
Hi, thanks for the video my son who is now 8 months old has been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis and we too would love to find a cure so if someone sends one your way be sure to let us in on it. Thanks for sharing your story xx
Thanks for watching! As soon as someone sends me a cure, I’ll be sure to tell everyone.
Any day now…