Fair warning: there is a picture at the end of this post that is pretty disgusting. I have placed some distance between the text and the picture so you may avoid it at your own discretion.
Though the freak show is only a shadow of its former glory, we still have an entire industry dedicated to exploiting oddities for entertainment. Okay, “exploiting” is probably a strong word, because I believe these people know what they’ve signed up for and have, in some way or another, been compensated for their trouble. See: your hoarders, the strange addicts and the obsessed.I’m not going to say I’m an expert in this type of program, but I’ve watched enough to be disappointed. Maybe I missed the action, but they seem to leave a lot of important questions unanswered.
I think this has to do with the clinical haze they cast over these shows. They invite doctors and psychiatrists to pay lip service to diagnosing the root of the problem, making you feel better about watching in breathless awe as a woman drinks nail polish or a guy is eating glass. But never once do they ask the pertinent question:
“What does it look like when they poop?”
Popular lore has it that Frankenberry cereal used to turn kid’s poop pink. What does nail polish do? Do you, as my fiancée wondered, fart glitter? How do you wipe your ass when you’ve been eating glass? You pretty much need a bidet.
I saw a show on a lady that drinks blood and they never once brought up menstruation. Is that like having a Mr. Pibb machine installed in your vagina every four weeks? What about that dude that has sex with his car? I know I can barely remove grease stains from my hands; I can’t imagine trying to remove them from my dingus.
So, in the spirit of things you might want to know, but don’t want to ask, I present you with 8 hours worth of mucus production. I collected it in a paper cup and threw a penny in it for scale. On the day of collection, I was feeling just about as good as I can feel, so consider this the bare minimum of mucus production. Also, a chewable vitamin turned part of it orange.
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Just be happy it wasn’t a picture of my toilet.