Tag Archives: Commencement

A Commencement Speech No One Asked Me to Give

"The mortars have become sentient!"

“The mortars have become sentient!”

For the 31st consecutive year, I was not asked to give any commencement speeches. I somewhat understand why the Class of ’83 didn’t ask me—most newborns are not gifted public speakers—but the other 30 years of graduating classes have no excuse. However, I like to be prepared, so here’s the commencement speech no one asked me to give. Continue reading