Category Archives: Videos

Such a beautiful display

An Open Letter to NBC about Olympic Coverage

Considering all the hype about the conditions surrounding this year’s games, it’s ironic that Olympic fever is hard to catch this year. Time delays, shoddy editing, and apps that barely work are taking a lot of the joy out of the spirit of competition. And then there’s the commentary. Even with 7 commercial breaks per half hour and random outages, you should still at least pretend someone is watching.

Look, I don’t like to criticize unless I have a solution to offer, so I’d encourage everyone/anyone at NBC to hit play on the below video of me doing commentary over the iOS gaming sensation Justin Smith’s Realistic Summer Sports Simulator and book me a flight to Rio immediately.

I’m going to need bottled water though.

 

A PSA for Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Month

May is Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Month. I don’t actually say that in the following video, because I don’t want to constrain Cystic Fibrosis Awareness to just one month; every month should be Cystic Fibrosis awareness month.

In any case, I feel like the angry swearing thing has taken me as far as it’s going to go, so here’s a positive video about how I’m not letting Cystic Fibrosis stop me from living life to the fullest.

Genetic Decree – A Death Metal Song About Cystic Fibrosis (video)

Most songs about disease don’t reflect the experience of the disease. Instead, they’re packed full of maudlin sentiments designed to drop a tear from your eye on the car ride home from the supermarket. I can’t speak for all diseases, but neither one of mine came with a soaring string section.

Sure, there’s a bittersweet beauty to the frailty of life, but in an age where people cry at beer commercials, that button is too easy to push. It’s time for a new approach.

Cystic Fibrosis makes it possible to drown in your own mucus. If you get sick enough, they harvest lungs from the dead to replace yours. Cystic Fibrosis is brutal. It requires brutal music.

So, here’s a death metal song I wrote about CF (technically, it’s blackened death thrash, but let’s not split hairs here). Even if you don’t like Death Metal, you should watch the video, because I made a lot of people—Producer and Arbiter of Taste Bekka Wrynn, Director Walter Forbes and Script Doctor/Key Grip Thomas Forbes—work on it for nothing but pizza rolls. Plus, you can see me stab myself!

You can download the track at https://allhallowsevil.bandcamp.com/track/genetic-decree. It’s a pay what you want download. Anything you can throw in the hat would really help out.

Here’s a Chapter from My Audiobook

This is chapter 2–“Hi, My Name is Jay and I Have Cystic Fibrosis.”–of the audiobook version of Can’t Eat, Can’t Breathe and Other Ways Cystic Fibrosis Has F#$%*d Me. I would’ve posted chapter 1, but it turns out that I don’t mention Cystic Fibrosis in it.

If you enjoy this bit, feel free to pick up the rest of it here.

Video: Ghosts in the Milk: A Review of Halloween Crunch

I took the money I would’ve spent on candy and decorations (for the record, $23.57) and shot this review of Halloween Crunch instead. If you like it, please share it/hand out links to trick or treaters.

If you really like it, don’t forget to pick up a copy of my book. There’s a chapter on Frankenstein, so it also makes a great item for trick or treaters. Full text of the review after the jump. Continue reading

Video: Lord of the Jingle #2

I didn’t get any corporate interest from the last set of jingles, but I won’t let that stop me from trying again. If you like any of these (or any of the previous jingles), it’d be a great help if you could tweet/Facebook them at the companies in question. I know I will!

Here’s a song about Denny’s:

 

Here’s one about Smucker’s:

 

And here’s one about No Yolk Egg Noodles:

 

Video: The Pros and Cons of the Dollar Tree Steak

I am not one of those people that has money, so I’m always looking for a bargain. I’m also looking to shove as many calories in my face as possible. These two factors lead me on a journey to the local dollar tree, where I happened upon their frozen rib eye steak. Being an open minded individual, I couldn’t wait to give it a shot. Did I stumble on a delicious hidden secret?

Spoiler alert: no, I didn’t.

Video: Lord of the Jingle

When embarking on any creative endeavor, everyone hopes their work will stand the test of time. You want to feel that years from onset of whatever you created, people will celebrate it, remember it and talk about it with their friends.

For something to stand the test of time like that is rare, particularly now that anyone can smash together a bunch of ones and zeroes and take a stab at relevance. How many of you reading this had a MySpace music page? I know I did. I also know that I never managed to turn that into any long term cultural relevance. Continue reading

Video: The Cystic Fibrosis Diet: A Mouthful of Food and a Handful of Pills

This is a video about how CF affects my digestive system, but I’m not going to bullshit you: I wouldn’t be displeased if this video somehow spun off into a sponsorship deal with Denny’s and/or KFC.