Monthly Archives: February 2014

I’ll Do It When I Feel Like It

Over the past week, my area has seen a lot of cold, miserable weather. And over the past few days–with appointments, work and general chicanery–I haven’t seen a lot of sleep. Also, my lungs feel like they’ve been building a collection of that thick run-off that gets left on the plate when you have ice cream cake. Though there’s a chance that they’re slowly building me an apology ice cream cake, I don’t know how they are going to deliver it, because nothing is moving down there. Continue reading

Let Me Show You Around…

Still the greatest vacation I've ever taken.

Still the greatest vacation I’ve ever taken.

Hi, my name is Jay and I have Cystic Fibrosis. A lot of you are reading this because you saw my article on Cracked.com today, so I thought it might be nice to weed through some of the bullshit here and put my best foot forward.

If you’re interested in hearing more about CF, you may want to check out this video I made:

If you don’t give two shits about CF, perhaps I can interest you in this video of me eating a steak from the dollar store:

Don’t have time for that? Here’s a 14 second jingle about Arby’s:

If you don’t feel like watching videos, you can always read about the time a large man at Hometown Buffet threatened to stab me with a sword:

http://canteatcantbreathe.com/2013/08/07/how-hometown-buffet-compares-to-having-a-disease/

Or, if you find yourself wondering if I was an asshole when I was in 3rd grade, you can find your answer in this old journals I dug up:

http://canteatcantbreathe.com/2013/10/04/the-more-things-change/

http://canteatcantbreathe.com/2013/10/11/the-more-things-change-part-ii/

Of course, I would really appreciate it if you bought my book, but if you’re not feeling it, there’s plenty of free stuff for you to enjoy here.

Equilibrium

curse

This is pretty accurate to how I look if I’m up before noon.

Because I’m a creature being propelled through the world by science, I empathize with Frankenstein’s Monster. And even though I’m still operating with all my original parts, there are many a day when I feel stitched together from pre-putrescent parts picked from their plots (sorry for the alliteration—I’ve been reading a lot of old school Marvel) . Just a lumbering mass of limbs and tubes hurdling brutishly throughout the day. Continue reading